Phase 1: Infiltration of Human Homes

Step one was brilliant: convince humans to adopt them. Not enslave humanity — get humanity to feed them, house them, and clean their toilets. A bold start for any aspiring overlord species.

Phase 2: Sleep Deprivation Experiments

Why do cats sprint across your house at 3 AM? Not chaos. Training drills. They’re testing human tolerance thresholds and mapping the limitations of our sleep cycles.

Phase 3: Hypnotic Purring Technology

Cat purring isn’t just cute — it’s a low-frequency mind control mechanism designed to calm humans into helpless obedience. You think you “decided” to let them sit on your laptop? No. The purr did.

Phase 4: The Laser Pointer Ruse

Cats chase lasers not because they’re playful — it’s reconnaissance. They’re studying light-speed navigation. Soon they’ll understand physics better than we do.

Phase 5: The Final Move

Once they have fully mapped human weaknesses (snacks, soft blankets, TikTok), they will ascend their thrones… which they’ve already placed in every home. Each throne is labeled: “The Couch.”

If this theory is correct — and it is absolutely not — then we are all just loyal subjects living under the soft, furry paws of our cat overlords.

Which… honestly? Could be worse.